Packet Rat
Packet Rat R. Fink Politics reduces productivity; the Rat is certain of it. "Just look at Congress," he sighs. So the whiskered one purges politics—at least national and regional politics—from the workplace. Or at least he tries. As a former nautical creature, he has applied several rules of conduct in his office that he brought with him from his days in the wardroom. Chief among these is that it is inappropriate
Packet Rat Politics reduces productivity; the Rat is certain of it. Just look at Congress, he sighs. So the whiskered one purges As a former nautical creature, he has applied several rules of conduct in his office Needless to say, its been really quiet in the lunchroom lately. The whole The Rat doesnt take positions in affairs of state; he just makes fun of them. The trick, of course, was to manage to do so within the bounds of decency, common sense So on Dec. 31, as everyone worked silently on their own bits for the latest year 2000 As tears rolled from their eyes, those gathered clutched their sides in hysterical Then the whiskered one pulled out an electronic keyboard, on which he had sampled the Their spirits lifted and divisiveness healed, the Rat sent the staff off to spread the The Rat made good use of the goodwill. While his co-workers mended fences, he brought Then the Rat logged off and headed for home to ring in the new year. The Packet Rat once managed networks but now spends his time ferreting out bad
R. Fink
politicsat least national and regional politicsfrom the workplace. Or at least
he tries.
that he brought with him from his days in the wardroom. Chief among these is that it is
inappropriate to talk about politics, sex or money over the lunch table. The furry
ones acolytes know well not to transgress this commandmentlest they be
keelhauled.
impeachment crisis has cleft the office right down the middle, and all anyone can do to
prevent the exchange of discouraging words is to stew in ones own juices.
After the impeachment vote in the House, the cyberrodent planned an event to reunite his
department and heal old wounds. To do so meant bending his rules a bit. But hey, the Rat
is the worlds biggest rule-bender anyway.
and federal statutes. If he couldnt avoid offending everyone, he would simply have
to offend everyone equally.
patch, the Rat dressed as Baby New Year and summoned everyone to the lunchroom. With the
masses gathered, the whiskered one began a dramatic reading of the Starr Report.
laughter. One by one they read a part, gamely taking on the tone of PBS narrators caught
in an episode of Masterpiece Theatre written by Rod Serling.
word is from the presidents grand jury testimony, with Ken Starrs
whining speech before the House Judiciary committee slaved to a programmed rhythm track.
gospel of mutual ridicule throughout the agency. By the end of the day, the whole
campus spirit of bonhomie was higher than ever.
the network down for some overdue switch upgrades, migrated five servers to Linux, ran a
full backup on some database servers and finished the word jumble in the Washington
Posts Style section over a steaming cup of latte and a plate of leftover Christmas
cookies.
packets in cyberspace. E-mail him at rat@gcn.com.