When Microsoft and the government talk, the walls have Rat ears
Packet Rat R. Fink The Rat's well-placed sources have reported back to him the state of ongoing negotiations between Microsoft Corp. and the Justice Department. Using modern surveillance technology stolen from the movie set of Will Smith's "Enemy of the State," plus the usual array of allegedly intelligent agents, the Rat has obtained a transcript of a recent negotiating session—or so they called it.
Packet Rat The Rats well-placed sources have reported back to him the state of ongoing Using modern surveillance technology stolen from the movie set of Will Smiths To protect the sources as well as the cyberrodent from any litigious side effects, Unfortunately, the Rat was obliged to eat a whole box of Capn Crunch to get hold Government attorney 1: So, Im to Microsoft attorney 1: Government attorney 2: Such Microsoft attorney: Government attorney 1: Could you Microsoft attorney: Government attorney 3: Im sorry, Government attorney 2: Ive used Microsoft attorney 1: No, Government attorney 1: Do they come Microsoft attorney 3: Microsoft attorney 1: Microsoft attorney 3: But Government attorney 1: Why wasnt Microsoft attorney 3: Government attorney 2: Heck, no. After Government attorney 1: So you will Microsoft attorney 2: Such Government attorney 2: Like keep The conversation then grew garbled. But, sighed the Rat, isnt The Packet Rat once managed networks but now spends his time ferreting out bad
R. Fink
negotiations between Microsoft Corp. and the Justice Department.
Enemy of the State, plus the usual array of allegedly intelligent agents, the
Rat has obtained a transcript of a recent negotiating sessionor so they called it.
agents scrambled the printed record using the latest two-bit encryption technology.
of a public key to decrypt the transcripts. He collapsed in a sugar-induced stupor before
he could complete the task. Heres what he managed to piece together before his
carbohydrate crash:
understand that Microsoft has something else of interest to offer as an alternative to the
proposed breakup of the company?
Thats correct. Were willing to offer other concessions as long as they
dont preclude the continued operation of the company and Microsoft can continue to
make innovations to its operating systems.
as?
Well, for example, we would be willing to guarantee that future versions of the
operating system would actually work.
define work for us? Were not exactly computer gurus here.
Um, certainly. Microsoft would certify future versions of Windows to operate as
advertised. For example, there wouldnt be any repeats of that Navy ship thing.
Software running under Windows would function as designed, and the operating systems would
not crash or reboot without warning. Microsoft would guarantee users a seamless operating
experience without blue screens of death.
I still dont get it. Crash? Death? Are you implying some sort of threat?
a computer, but I didnt realize I could have died! Ill never try that
again!
no, you misunderstand. When we say crash, we mean the computer stops working. Nobody gets
hurt when a computer crashes.
with air bags or something?
Sure they do.
Wait just a
if you remove Internet Explorer, the air bag wont work any more. Without the room to
innovate, Microsoft wont be able to make computer air bags work, and all users would
be placed at unacceptable risk.
this brought up in the trial?
Just think of the panic. The Internet economy would have ground to a halt. This
administration wouldnt want that to happen, would it?
all, Al Gore invented the Internet himself.
keep computers from crashing. Thats a start, Isnt there something else?
as?
Monica off MSNBC.
that more than you wanted to know anyhow?
packets in cyberspace. E-mail him at rat@gcn.com.